She held her head high and looked the world straight in the eye. Celebrate her strength.

She went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and discovered she could fly. Celebrate her faith.

I honestly don’t believe that anyone can ever ‘truly’ understand what it’s like to go thru Nursing School unless your shoes are walking down that path. My husband and children have first hand experience of what my life was like for two years. Frequent bouts of anxiety, crying, depression, and stress to name a few. And my [close] friends can relate to my mood-swings, my distraction, irritability, crying, and panic attacks.

Nursing School was the most difficult thing that I have ever gone thru both emotionally and physically. Not understanding things or thinking I understood something only to find out in front of a clinical professor that I didn’t. Reading 100′s of pages of texts at a time. Studying until I didn’t think I could study any further. Fighting to keep my GPA up so I would not be kicked out of the program. Fighting to pass the math exams so I would not be kicked out of the program. Fighting to do well during clinicals so I would not be kicked out of the program. I walked around for two years feeling like I was carrying the entire world on my shoulders.

I have wanted to be a ‘NURSE’ my entire life. I can still remember the day as a little girl telling my Nana that I wanted to be a Nurse. I took a few different paths due to family obligations. I was a CNA for 13 years working with Geriatrics. Continued on for my CNA-M so I would be able to dispense medications in a Nursing Home. Worked as a Phlebotomist for almost 4 years [and yes, I can get blood out of a turnip]. I received my Associates Degree in Medical Assisting–18 months working in a Pediatrics office, and a total of almost 7 years working in Family Practice.

I LOVE people. I love educating people. I love helping people. I love making a difference in people’s life.

Since failing my first NCLEX in July I have hit rock bottom and I have been trying to pick myself up. I have days where I just want to throw the comforter over my head and hope that people will forget about me. I think about the NCLEX and anxiety takes over and all I want to do is run and hide..but than Keith, my children, my mom and dad, Sharon, Nikki, Lisa, Rik, Anne and Becky remind me what I worked so hard for and how I have to find the strength inside of me and retest…

Then I receive a note from a RN who I had the privilege of working with for 18 months:

Ohhh, Jenny!

Don’t worry about the NCLEX, I failed the first time too. I felt very angry and upset and stupid. But don’t fret over it. You can take it again and again and again if you need to that many times. Some of the best nurses I have met took the NCLEX several times. It really shows that they have the better bedside care for patients. The ones who can pass without stress the first time are the ones who are really book smart and struggle with bedside care. Let me tell you bedside care is the best type of nursing. I learn more by hands on not testing. I bet you are the same way. I work in the ICU now and there are some nurses that scare the shit out of me, they sit at a computer all night and play games, the patients don’t get turned and lack of skin and mouth care. They develop sores and then when I come in to take over for the day, they are irritable and grouchy. The nurses are smart, but lack in common sense of simple patient care. The patients notice it too. It took me a long long time to realize that. I still don’t know everything, and I don’t think I ever will.

You are going to make a killer nurse, you have the best personality to be one. You can defeat the NCLEX, it may take longer than you wanted it to. It is Gods little way of controlling what we think we have control over. Be patient. Good things will come to you. And maybe one day we can work next to each other again! Keep you chin up and just keep studying. I have great faith in you. Love Elissa

And I remember how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many people that truly care for me, and more importantly who believe in me. And I realize that I NEED to pick myself up, wipe myself off, pull my big girl panties on and plant my feet in concrete, stand tall and overcome this ONE LAST OBSTACLE. I am a graduate Nurse. I have the degree to prove it. And I have ducked under, and jumped over many obstacles to get to that point, and a lot of them were much tougher than this final stepping stone to earn my RN.

When I was accepted into the Nursing program [after being on the waiting list for 2 years], a wonderful woman gave me this beautiful music box. I need to put my energy towards my goal and stop running away and feeling sorry for myself. If my loved ones have faith me I need to reach inside myself and pull some of that faith out for ‘myself’.

To my Keith, children and close friends, I want to say thank you for believing in me. Thank you for your sacrifices, and thank you for your faith…I can overcome this obstacle, because I have each of you beside me.

xO-Jenny